


Scars

by stellarmeadow



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 12:08:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3691752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarmeadow/pseuds/stellarmeadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Revelations in the middle of the night at Home Farm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I wrote this, but it would not stop pestering my brain until I did. Not my usual writing style, and my first ever fic in Emmerdale, so please be kind. Hope you like it.

Robert wakes slowly, blinking around the moonlit room, wondering what's off. He remembers when Aaron shifts beside him, rolling onto his back, the sheets sliding down until they're low across Aaron's hips. 

The scars on Aaron's chest look stark and obvious in the pale light. Every time, Robert looks for new ones, undressing Aaron slowly more for fear of what he might see than any reluctance to get him naked. So far, only his hand is suspect. Aaron had played it off like it was nothing, but Robert wasn't sure. Still isn't sure.

Or so he tells himself. 

He's not stupid, though. He knows what Aaron's running obsession is, just as he knows the reason for it. Robert might've had his head stuck in the sand at first--or full of dealing with trying to keep Andy alive, more like--but he'd noticed. And if he hadn't, Paddy's little chat with him certainly made it obvious. 

It had had the opposite effect from what Paddy had intended, but that was just another example of why people should mind their own bloody business. 

Robert reaches out, tracing one scar, then the next. He imagines what they looked like fresh and new, how they healed, and at what point Aaron decided they were too healed and opened them back up again. 

He swallows against the nausea at the thought of what might've happened if Aaron had misjudged, had cut a bit too deep. He's heard the story about Aaron and the garage, and what may or may not have been an attempt at suicide several years ago--one can never quite discern the full truth in a village that lives for gossip. 

Was the running just a way for Aaron to punish himself, or was it something more? Funny how the toughest bloke in the village turned out to be so fragile. Then again, Robert knew something about hiding behind bluster. 

Aaron's toughness had been what had fascinated Robert to begin with. Most of the village was overly polite to his face, either because of his family--one side or the other, depending on the person--or because of his money. 

Not Aaron. Aaron didn't give a damn about his money or his family connections. Once Robert had gotten over the surprise, he'd seen the challenge there. 

And he's never been able to resist a challenge.

He traces the thickest scar again, thinking his life might be easier now if Aaron wasn't in it, and yet he can't be anything but grateful that Aaron had turned things around. 

No telling yet what price Robert will pay for Aaron's existence, but he can't find it in himself to care.

Aaron stirs, and Robert pulls his hand back. He smiles as Aaron's eyes open, breath catching at the answering smile on Aaron's face. 

"That's creepy," Aaron says, his voice thick with sleep.

"What?"

"You," Aaron replies, nodding at Robert. "Watching me sleep."

Robert shakes his head. "High opinion you've got of yourself there."

"Really?" Aaron's eyebrows shoot up, lips sinking into a quick frown. "Funny, sure looked like you were staring right at me when I woke up."

Unbidden, Robert's eyes drift down to the scars. He can see the second Aaron realises it, sees him tense even before Aaron casually pulls the sheet up, trying to cover the scars. 

"Don't," Robert says, his hand landing on Aaron's, stopping him from hiding. 

Aaron's mouth twists for a few seconds before he takes that deep breath, the one that always makes Robert hold his own as he braces for what's coming next. "If you're looking for new ones," Aaron says, his voice flat, "you'll not find any."

"I wasn't," Robert says automatically, and instantly realises his mistake. He's not yet worked out how Aaron seems to be some sort of human lie detector, but he's certainly worked out the face that tells Robert Aaron knows when he lies. "I mean--I was, but it's not...." Robert sighs. "I was curious--I mean, I was wondering...why?"

Aaron nods as if the question is expected. Which, probably it is--Aaron somehow knows him better than anyone. It's another part of the attraction--even if it doesn't always paint Robert in the most favourable light, at least he doesn't have to pretend to be anything other than himself. 

"I don't know," Aaron says with a shrug. "It's not something I can explain."

"Does it help?"

And there's that annoyed look that shouldn't be so cute. "Course it does," Aaron says as if Robert is thick for thinking anything else. "Why else would I have done it?"

 _Have done_ , Robert realises, not _do_. An important distinction. "I just--I mean," Robert looks for the right words. "Does--did it make it easier?" he asks after a moment. 

"For a bit, yeah," Aaron says. He shifts onto his side, managing to somehow drag the sheet up in the process, covering the scars. "Anyway, why are we talking?" he asks, leaning in, his hand roaming down Robert's chest. 

Normally Robert would be all for that distraction, but he's getting answers, getting a chance to understand a bit more about someone who understands him so well. "I just...it's hard," Robert says, wrapping a hand around Aaron's wrist, stopping his progression down Robert's body and bringing his hand up so Robert can see the scar there. "Seeing you hurt yourself."

Aaron's mouth thins, and for a moment Robert thinks Aaron might slap him for asking. "At least what I do only hurts me," Aaron says at last, pulling his hand out of Robert's grip. "When I lash out it's at myself and not at others."

The implication is there, very thinly veiled, and Robert likes it about as much as every time Aaron's thrown a mirror up and shown him his true self. But more important is the way Aaron seems to think that hurting himself doesn't hurt anyone else. 

"Really?" Robert says, pulling Aaron's hand back again. "You think it only hurts you, yeah?"

"Yeah."

And Robert must be learning more about Aaron, because he can absolutely see that lie. "Right. So you've yet to work out that when you were running yourself into the ground--literally--it was hurting everyone to see you like that? To sit by and watch you and not be able to help?"

"Don't tell me you and Mum have suddenly bonded over my suffering or summat, 'cause I'm not buying it."

"You think I needed Chas to tell me it hurt to watch you killing yourself?" Robert asks, annoyed now and not caring if it shows. "You have no idea what it was like to sit there and watch you suffering like that."

"Really?" Aaron says, moving so fast that Robert doesn't realise he's moving until he's on his back, Aaron hovering over him, that look in his eyes that tells Robert discussion time is over. "If you care that much, maybe you should show it."

Before Robert can say anything else, Aaron's lips are on him, hot and angry, as Aaron pins Roberts wrists to the bed. He's not gentle, and Robert doesn't want him to be, lets Aaron do whatever he needs and takes pleasure in every second of it. 

After, as Robert is still trying to catch his breath, Aaron lying heavily on Robert's chest, one finger tracing a line around Robert's navel, Aaron says, his voice a near whisper, "It's like I have a tight lid." 

Robert can feel Aaron swallow before he continues in that same low voice. "It's so tight, and the space inside me is so small that it can't keep everything in, until I'm just numb with it. The pain...it lets some of it out. Keeps the lid from blowing off completely and destroying everything around me."

 _That_ Robert can understand--he's got his own issues dealing with pain, but he deals with it very differently. That the end result can be very much the same is something he tries not to think about as he lays there, Aaron in his arms, awake long into the night. 

\---  
END


End file.
